Saturday, May 06, 2006

Saynts Preserve Us!

Some of my favorite names these days are religious names. Or, more appropriately, names people think are religious names. I've got a whole folder here in my bookmarks, full of such gems as:

Testament Venaycia S'mya (a girl, I believe)

Elijahanae Heavenly Sincere (a girl)

Sunni (inadvertently religious, I suspect)

Poor little Christain.

Messiah Corion

Serinity Divine

Jesus Alondra (perhaps not unusual, until you realize it's a girl)

So these aren't Adonai Vita or anything, but they're not exactly great. Particularly Messiah. They always say not to name your kids Chastity or Temperance or Joy, in case they don't live up to their names. Can you imagine how little Messiah will feel about that?

I generally only come across these sorts of names in birth announcement rubbernecking, but a recent post on a certain baby names board has brought up the issue of religious names in a very immediate way:

Can we have some feedback on our names? We are due with a little Miracle in June. We are a Christian family from Virginia. I am Lexi and my fiance is Noah. My son Messyah Kenyon is 21 months. I picked a very spiritual name for hm- Messyah has a lot of meaning for me. It was the Lord who guided me through his birth and raising him on his own until I met my fiance. My fiance and I have picked out a few names for our daughter. We have many connections to these names.

Kryshna Faith

(Maddie for short, we know if means son of the lord but we feel our daughter is just as much a miracle as my son)

Praisee (means to Pray). We like the alternate spelling Prayslee as well.

Miracle (she is our true Miracle. Without her, Noah and i have would never have fallen in love so quickly)

Destiny (she is our future)

Angel (as she is sent from heaven).

We like the middle name Fayth. My mom's name is Fayth.


Wow. Wow. Where can I even start? WOW.

Normally I would start with the most egregious thing that jumps out at me. The trouble with this post is, what doesn't jump out at me? Um... well... Let's go in order. Messyah. This is a perfect example of why parents should run names through Microsoft Word beforehand. "Messyah." "Do you mean 'Messy Ah'?" Ahh, thank you, Clippy! I might have missed that! There'd be nothing worse than being a sloppy version of Jesus!

Kryshna Fayth. This poster reiterates in later posts that she wants a "strong Christian name." I'm not sure she understand that the "Krishna Faith" is generally regarded to be Hinduism.

Maddox, meaning "son of the Lord." If it weren't for the fact that Maddox is actually a surname meaning 'son of Madoc', this wouldn't be so bad. Except that she wants to put it on her miracle daughter. Why is it that every child is a miracle, anyway? Isn't that what the human body is designed for? How is it a miracle if a woman in her twenties gets knocked up by a casual boyfriend for the second time? It would probably be more of a miracle if this woman knew how to use a condom, don't you think? (In case you are wondering, I pray for miracles daily). Maybe the real miracle is that the poster didn't realize how terrible the sentence "Without her, Noah and i have would never have fallen in love so quickly" sounds. The best love stories coincide with accidental pregnancies, it seems.

Praisee. I'm not sure how "Prayslee" is an "alternate spelling" of this, seeing as there's an L in it. I'm trying to come up with an etymology for this 'name' - perhaps we are "praisers" and God is the "praisee?" And then she could have two kids named God! Sweet!

Subsequent posters tried to dissuade her, but she won't budge. She did admit that she liked Godiva and Nevaeh though. She says, "Nevaeh's a traditional Welch girls name. Maybe it is not appropriate since we are not welch." Forget Eel Heaven - what about GRAPE HEAVEN??


Anonymous recommendation said...

my name is joi :*(

Saturday, May 06, 2006 1:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Amelia said...

Sunni could have had it worse. Her parents are Jessica and Jess--they could have named her Jessa or something similar. I know a mom named Frances who named her daughters Francesca and Francine.

Saturday, May 06, 2006 8:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Amelia said...

Here is a link for you, because one person cannot crush bad baby naming alone:

Sunday, May 07, 2006 2:03:00 PM  
Blogger TurabianNights said...

But Joi, you have obviously lived up to your name!

Amelia, I sort of know how that is - my sister and brother got the feminine and masculine versions of the same name! And thanks for the link! Tesslouise comments on my LiveJournal every now and then, and I read hers, too.

Monday, May 08, 2006 5:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Scott Arthur Edwards said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 9:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They weren't in love before she got pregnant? Incoming pregnancy, always a strong foundation for a marriage.

What's annoying is that there are plenty of fine Biblical girls' names out there: Mary, Rachel, Rebecca, Leah, Elizabeth, Sarah, Anne, Naomi, Ruth, the list goes on. An online acquaintance has a daughter named Hosanna, which I think is kind of pretty.

And includes Jezebel, Delilah, and Lilith if you want to have fun ;)

But no, these parents want names that scream "I AM CHRISTIAN" to the world, or what they think is "I AM CHRISTIAN" it's actually "MY PARENTS WERE TWITS"

Thursday, May 11, 2006 4:19:00 PM  
Blogger TurabianNights said...

True fact: I like the name Lilith. I'll probably never get to use it since the Lili- names are real up-and-comers right now, so my child will likely be spared the indignity of this guilty pleasure.

True fact #2: When I was in junior high, I wanted to name a daughter Alleluia Joy. It's still kind of pretty, in a creepy I-live-on-God's-holy-ranch-in-Montana way.

True fact #3: I love saying the deliciously redundant "true fact."

Thursday, May 11, 2006 7:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Sunday, May 14, 2006 4:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Praisee": bastardization of "Praise ye"? When I was a kid we learned this song in Sunday school by rote, and one line was "Praise ye the Lord". Even one of the teachers pronounced it "prayzhee". And of course, because we learned it by rote, many of the kids did, too.

Sunday, May 21, 2006 11:37:00 AM  
Blogger Mookie Monster said...

"... We are not welch." That killed me. I burst out laughing; my sister looked at me as if I was insane. That's my new catchphrase: I AM NOT WELCH!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 8:54:00 PM  

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