Monday, August 21, 2006

Bad Baby Names - Home Edition

In the process of moving home, impoverished liberal arts major that I am, I discovered one of those "My Life According to Me" journals given to me on my sixteenth birthday. Its pages disclose such audacious secrets as "As of today, I have liked the same guy since I was twelve," and "I hate French 4 and flared pants." Buried among these gems are the baby names I liked when I was sixteen. Please prepare yourself.

Keep in mind that these are all written in silver and purple gel ink.

Annie Rose (girl) - not to be confused with all those boys named Annie Rose.
Willow (girl) - I was actually not aware at the time of the character Willow from Buffy the Vampire slayer. I briefly thought of changing my name to Willow when I was fifteen and going through a hippie-pagan-nature stage.
Hannah Maria Tzeitel (girl) - I was apparently going through a "Fiddler on the Roof" stage. I believe I gave this name to a snail or fish, eventually.
Hollie Joy (girl) - Apart from the fact that this sounds like the title of a Christmas window theme at Macy's, it could be okay. Maybe.
Amelia Joy (girl) - Oh hay, I would still use this one! Except that Amelia is getting so popular. Maybe Amalia?
Sophie Catherine - Guess I figured there's no way Sophie Catherine could not be a girl.

Gianlorenzo (guy) - For Bernini. I kid you not. I actually still like this one, in an "I would name a fish this" kind of way.
Stephen Cole - Not bad in and of itself, but now would only work if your last name were "Bear" or similar.
Thomas Elijah - How did the boys get it so much easier than the girls? Thomas Elijah is a damn fine name!

So, my dear readers. I know you are out there - you even comment sometimes. What were the worst ideas you had for names as a teenager? I dare you to top Gianlorenzo (guy).


Blogger Kelsey said...

Um, there was a point in my life where the two names I liked most in the whole world were Riley and Demetrius (for some reason, they had to go together in my head.) Some poor goldfish got saddled with these names. They had it less bad than Gabriel and Thaddeus, two cats who got the brunt of my I-Was-A-Pretentious-Ten-Year-Old phase.

Monday, August 21, 2006 4:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not a personal anecdote, but i know (read: sincerely hope) my younger sister is going to regret her current top five favorite names. i give you: dakota. dallas. denver. dixon. d'angelo.

yeah. bad.

Monday, August 21, 2006 11:45:00 PM  
Blogger Ann, Director said...

I wanted to name my daughter Nessarose. It's a beautiful name, and perfectly valid, until you realize that it's the name of the Wicked Witch of the East. You know, the one who gets a house dropped on her.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006 8:12:00 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Wow, my own name choices are tame! Eva Margaret and Patrick William... though I think I was favoring the name Olivia Christine a bit in High School. Makes me feel almost boring!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 7:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Amelia said...

Mine weren't *too* weird--I liked Juniper, or Geneva, because it means "juniper"; I liked (and still like) Nathan, Matthew, Jonathan, and Timothy, anything with that soft "th" sound.

Hey, nothing wrong with Amelia Joy (my maiden name was Amelia Jade).

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 7:14:00 PM  
Anonymous smash said...

I used to think Amy and May for twin girls (and Mya if they were triplets!) or Gary and Gray for boys was brilliant. And Hanna and Grace, since they mean the same thing. I was not a smart kid.

Friday, August 25, 2006 6:36:00 AM  
Anonymous recommendation said...

when i was younger, like 15 or so, all the baby names i came up with were TERRIBLE. i would choose random letters from the alphabet, and that letter COULD BE a baby name!

i have a list somewhere. god, terrible.

though there were a few boys names that were cool. just not for me, like keagan. which i got from a judy blume book about a family that goes to fire island.

lol fire island isnt a family resort but there u go.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006 9:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Liz said...

My family will never let me live down the fact that for four years I was dead set on naming a son Boston Parker (Boz for short). I was also a big fan of Jaxen, Cheyenne, Sedona, and Lylly (I still repent for that one). Aw the youth.

But to be fair, my Fiance wants to name our son Herschel (I wish I was kidding, it isn't going to happen but I feel guilty for him) and there is a good chance we will saddle one of our poor sons with the middle name Guido (family name on DF side, definitely not by choice).

Saturday, October 14, 2006 9:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Suzanne said...

Christeva, for a girl, because Christmas Eve was my favorite holiday.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 5:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anna said...

I'm 14 currently (the most embarrassing name I'm considering right now is Rya Ondine, which, all things considered, ain't all that bad, though I got both the first and middle names from obscenely geeky sources), but when I was eight, I was dead-set on the name Chrysanthemum. Y'know, like that kids' book. Nowhere NEAR as bad as some of the names on this blog, however!

I love this entire blog--it makes me laugh so hard. Thank you so much for all the amusement, and I'm keepin' these poor little kids in my prayers. XD

Monday, July 30, 2007 4:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two words:
Saphyre Raine.

May God have mercy on my soul.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007 10:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being obsessed with Nirvana, I was dead-set on Kurt.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007 9:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Lindsay said...

I wanted twins Keeley Suhmer and Kiara Mahree.
Yes. You read right.
Suhmer... not Summer.
Mahree... not Marie.

I solemnly swear to never spell like that again!

Your blog rocks! ;)

Thursday, September 27, 2007 9:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, I love:
Malachi Raymond
Kaitlin Kennedy
Stephen Ryan
Emily Alyssa
Nathanel Reagan
Lydia Susan

Sunday, February 03, 2008 4:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm ... when I was a preteen I loved the name Korea (knew I heard of it before, but failed to realize it was a country), and I once named a character Misery. Granted, Misery was a karate-chopping, mutant bat styled after the mutant turtles, but I felt a bit miffed when my brother insisted on calling her Missy ^_^

I fell in love with the name Laurel in high school. Still love it. Same goes for Willow, Meadow, Rosemary and Mercy.

Sunday, March 16, 2008 8:30:00 PM  
Blogger Me said...

Cassaundra Alexandria (Saundra, not Sandra) Kacey for short
Annastacia Katerina (Katie for short)

Sergei Alexander
Nicoli Alexi
Nicholas Alexander (which is just long)

I guess I wanted to be a Russian Royal.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 10:17:00 AM  
Blogger JordanBaker said...

I really wanted to change my own name to Andromeda for most of my childhood (and teen years). And I had dreams of having twins-- a boy and a girl, who I would name Denim and Lace.

It was not, sadly, restricted to the eighties.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008 10:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not being the mothering type, and being saddled with an easy-tease name, most of the names I came up with were candidates for my super cool self. The longest running one (from 12 to 15) was Aspasia Blue.


PS: You just know some lunatic is reading through this and thinking these are all brilliant ideas for her upcoming crotchfruit, right?

Monday, May 12, 2008 4:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had a doll that I cleverly named Actually (yes, "AX-shu-lee"). I also had a period when I loved the name Sean, until someone told me it was pronounced "Shawn" and not "Seen."

Wednesday, June 11, 2008 11:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zara McQueen

Sigh. I actually named my cat this when I was 13. Poor kitty. I don't remember any of the other names but I do remember meshing together letters to make "unique" names.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008 3:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Ada said...

shanna and scarlett.

one scandalous, ill-tempered heroine was not enough for me. i needed two daughters with names that bespoke of their outrageously bratty behaviour and a penchant for driving men to desperation with lust.

lord almighty.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008 1:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rose May

Glad I got past that phase.

Monday, November 10, 2008 1:03:00 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Friday, April 26, 2013 4:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aliey Chrishelle.
pronounced a-lee chris-shell
I actually named a teddy bear this. When my dad asked why Aliey, I proudly stated "because it has 'lie' in the middle!" I got Chrishelle from a model in a magazine. I was a weird kid.

Saturday, August 22, 2015 7:18:00 PM  

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