Tuesday, September 05, 2006

News Flash!!

Leviathan attacks Zeppelin Early Monday.

September 6, 2028
Gary, Indiana

A monstrous sea creature reared its head out of Lake Michigan this morning to maul an airborne zeppelin by the light of the Morning Star.

Little Dublin resident Seamus O'Livia witnessed the attack as he woke for work. "It was a Myr'Akell no one was hurt!"

President Chaney is Inasia this week on a Komodo dragon hunting trip, but Vice President Beautifull Princess Ajuliun M says she will personally travel to the scene in her Delorian. Alternative energy activists have criticized the move, saying it would be much better for her to travel in a Jetta configured for Kohl Diesel.

Magickal parascientific specialists were called in to deal with the problem in their own unique way. Merlin, E'owyn, and Arwen Flumguddy joined hands and chanted an obscure spell over the accursed lake. "JamiahLiz Tquan Rhiahannaen!" It is not clear whether this approach was effective in driving off the monster, though paranormal enthusiast Zelic Jones exclaimed, "It was an absolute De'Lyte to watch! I saw the water get all Ghloey, so something must have worked!"

Jones may have been observing the effects of Nitareon gas, which the state has ordered pumped into the lake against the wishes of environmental activists, who released a statement saying, "This move will leave us Bayless!"

Local police speculate whether the leviathan was unleashed on the unsuspecting town as an act of domestic terrorism. "I don't want to accuse anyone of Traesyn," announced Police Chief Camiyla Jasmine Qt Charmaine, "but we currently suspect rogue Austro-Iranian noble Prince Nasir Karl Friedrich of some mischief in this. Allowing criminal minds like Friedrich to run loose is Anasti Pryce to pay for Liberty."

Prince Friedrich would not comment on the case except to say, "I have no Mhemori of the Gary area, and I do not Envayh the job of investigators there. Idonna what else to say."

No word yet on how Indiana authorities plan to Cache the monster, as it seems to have disappeared without a Trace.

Report by Sir L. B. Love.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I met a girl today, and her name was 'Darwin'. I felt sorry for her.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006 10:52:00 PM  
Blogger TurabianNights said...

I know Darwin is somewhere in the 800s on the SSA List for boys, but I didn't know it could go pink, too... Darwin is a name like Atticus to me. I always hope Darwin's parents are really educated and enlightened, and want to stand up for Darwin's biological opus in a swirling, confusing world of biased textbooks and Supreme Court rulings... but it always ends up being some dodos who thought it would sound intellectual. :(

Wednesday, September 06, 2006 10:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Amelia said...

You made me smile, and after a day like today, it's a Miracle! Or maybe a Mircle. I'm not sure.

I can't even begin to imagine what some of these parents were thinking, though I will say in Traesyn Anthony's favor, his mother's name is December--it must be a family tradition :p.

Do you think Ghloey was meant to be Chloey?

His name aside, Kohl Diesel is the UGLIEST baby I have EVER seen.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006 8:03:00 PM  
Blogger TurabianNights said...

Aww! A Myr'akell, perhaps? Sorry you had a bad day!

Ghloey is definitely some terrifying form of Chloe, I fear. I don't know whether that's worse than "Glowy" or not...

I think Kohl just looks a little bewildered. I know I would, if they'd just named me Kohl Diesel.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006 8:09:00 PM  
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