Friday, April 28, 2006

Appendix B - Google it!

You would think, in the age of Google and the online dictionary, it wouldn't be so hard to figure out that a certain name was a bad one. Unfortunately for some, a simple Google search proved to be too much:

Nivea Airiel - Alternate spelling of Nevaeh? Probably. But also a lotion brand.

Shlok Vishal - Yes, I know, an "ethnic"* name. But still incredibly unfortunate.

Kipper Eugene - Baby? Or delicious breakfast fish?

Alexia Addison - Not one, but TWO disorders in one name!! (Alexia, Addison)

Shalott - "Is it too out there/arty?" No, but it kind of makes me hungry...

Some names don't even require an internet search: a simple out-loud pronunciation should suffice. Cases in point:


Tylynn Alexus (Tylenol-exus?)


*Someday I am going to write an entry about how much I hate the word "ethnic" as a name descriptor. It is so often used as a PC codeword for "something that is strange and not my own safe, normal culture" that its use when talking about names always seems so loaded.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Appendix A - Offensiveness

First off, a welcome to all new readers! Keep your suggestions coming - I am hoping to compile the list of bad celebrity names sometime this weekend. (There are a bazillion pages online with partial lists themselves, but why not have our own?)

In the mean time, I've been thinking about the basic naming principles I laid out in my last post. I realized almost as soon as I posted that I had missed the most important of all: don't be offensive.

You'd think this would be a simple thing for people - after all, who wants to name their child something disrespectful, right?

Wrong, apparently.

Let's start with the worst:
Adonai Vita. I hope I don't really need to explain on this one.

I feel like I am always running into people who want to give their child a Native American name (or worse, an "Indian" name). "Are you Native American," I ask. The answers vary, but are usually either A) "I am 1/64th Cherokee" or B) "I like weavings and think wolf legends are cool." When I get the very rare c) "as a matter of fact, I am!", I give them free license. Pxwpexwsshn is somewhat unfortunate for non-Salish speakers, but is not by nature a bad name. But A and B families should proceed with caution. And by "proceed with caution," I mean "lay the hell off!" "But Chenoa Dakota Tareva-Chine means 'dove friend with beautiful eyes' in Indian!!" No, no it doesn't. It means "I am a white person who wishes I were 'tribal,' so I went on the internets and stole these 'names' from indigenous groups who would not recognize them as names!" But frankly, even if they didn't already mean "I am a poser," isn't it just a little wrong to appropriate Native American names "because they're cool?" First, we annex their lands, then we kill off their food supply, then we attempt to re-educate their population... then we decide that their tribal names are cute and spunky monikers for our kids? My apologies to Dakota Cheyanne, but don't her parents have a lot to answer for!

(What's even worse than this, of course, is when Dakota and Cheyenne turn into Dakoda and Shyanne. Recently, one woman on a board I frequent actually thought "Cheyenne" was the trendy version of Shyanne. OOPS!)

Many of the BabyNamesWorld links are down this week, so I will have to content myself with promising a full report on India, Asia, Zaire and Kenya as names for next time... Guaranteed: less talk, more names.

Random name of the day: Royal Blu.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

An apology for the life of The Bad Baby Names Blog

My First Letter of Dissent!

Shamus asks, "why don't you mind your own business? People have a right to name their children whatever they want. It's narrow minded ethno-centric people that are the real problem."

I agree, Shamus, narrow-minded ethno-centric people are a real problem. I hope I am not counted among them. I hope that my writing here does not give the reader the impression that I only like boring English names like George and Mary. On the contrary! I love names of all sorts, and simply revel in the diversity that American naming provides. I love the fact that I am always meeting a little Freya or Sejal or Fei-Qui or Calliope. It's great! What I honestly don't have a stomach for, though, is parents who apparently do not think before they name. I don't believe this is narrow-minded, and it certainly isn't ethno-centric, so hear me out a moment and let me state my case.

Children deserve good names. I'm not here to debate relative goodness and badness, since they are... well, relative. But I think we can all agree on some basic principles. Readers, chime in here with thoughts if you disagree (or even if you agree, really).

(All of the following names are real, by the way).

1. Children should not have to be billboards for a parent's beliefs. No child should have to be a little Aryan Justice or a Paygan Moonblood or a Republican Samuel - those are the parents choices, not the child's. Imagine poor Aryan trying to get a job with a diversity thinktank. Think of poor Paygan trying to be ordained as a Catholic priest. Poor little Republican would have no political privacy.
1a. Children should not have to be billboards, generally. Serely? Dodge Hemi-James? I am looking at your parents.

2. Children's names should not be demeaning. Don't choose something that sounds like a dirty word (or worse, IS a dirty word! Shithead comes to mind). Don't choose something with blatant sexual connotations (Jiizelle, Ryder). Don't choose something that will only work when the kid is a toddler (Binx, Jojo as a full name).

This is particularly bad for girls, I find. No woman deserves to be permanently branded with a name only a fifties cocktail waitress or an exotic dancer could be proud of. Can you picture a real feminist named Presious Princezz or Sexiebird? How about a Supreme Court Justice Beautie Escapade? Would you get brain surgery from Prettiegirl Heaven Love, M.D.? Children should not have to fight an uphill battle for acceptance their whole lives simply because Treasure Beautiful Heart is a really cute name for a four year old.

3. Children's names should conform to basic phonetics in the language in question. This is probably my most controversial standard, honestly. Want to name your kid Madison? Fine. Maddyson? Okay. Maddyysonne? That's silly, but it's really up to you. But please don't name her Maydson and say it's pronounced "Madison." It's not. It's Maid-son. Kids have enough trouble learning to read as it is - don't give them a name that makes it worse.

The point of this blog is to address with gentle humor what I honestly believe is a growing problem. Accountability in naming is important. I wish I could say, as you do, Shamus, that parents should be allowed to name their kids whatever they want. I agree, fundamentally - parents should be able to! But some parents are not taking that responsibility seriously. I don't know who they are - it's the internet, after all - but if this blog causes even one parent to reconsider a name like Tinkerbelle Fagina, then my work is done!

If you are concerned about the individual kids finding their names on a bad baby names blog, I assure you that I am as well. I figure once the kids are six or so, or old enough to google their own name, I'm sure my blog will be dust in the wind. For now, I let their names stand like abandoned wagons on the trail west, serving as a warning for those who would likewise attempt to cross the mountain pass in October with only 100 pounds of salt pork and no spare axles.

It's a tough world out there. Being named Jedi Knight will not help.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Punctuation Violation, Bodily Functions, and more!!

You know how it's sometimes hard to know how to pronounce crazy names these days? What does that phoneme sound like? Where to place the emphasis? Is Nevaeh "nuh-VAY-uh" or "Nehv-AY?" Is Maliki "mah-lih-KAI" or "mah-LEEK-ee?" What does Pxwpexwsshn sound like, anyway? Well, confused readers, fear no more! Some parents have decided to include the pronuciation guide in the name! I give you: E-li'-sha Hez-e-ki'-ah-Abram.

Emphasis marks are indeed correct. But I think this is officially the most punctuation I have ever seen in a name. Ever. Shalonda-Na Don-Eka Lynn and KendráKashun LaVaryéé do not hold a candle to this one.

There are plenty of tacky names out there. I see them all the time. But I think this one wins Tackiest 2006: Cashmir Mone'y. I like the apostrophe in Money. It really lends some class. Well done, Mom and Dad! (Apparently I missed Tackiest '05: Million'z A'Dolla'z. Seriously. Google it.)

(Notice: Cashmir has a mother named Shelia and a sister named - that's right - She'lia.)

Here's a good one: Messiah Dee'Aira Nicole. I'm sorry... but doesn't that look like Messiah Diarrhea Nicole? The eschatological and the scatalogical meet in one terrifying name.

P.S. That's Amoura'e!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Cutter, Casino, Maniya and Guess-the-Sex!!

What a darling little girl! What's her name? Er... what's that? Nazgol? Erm... yes, well, must be going. What's that? No, I don't have a ring in my pocket. Why do you ask? Um...

Nobody doesn't love Sarely.

McCluskey Rose. Sorry, but this is just... ugly. McCluskey? But with a sister like LuLu Bee, I guess you can't ask for much.

Brinkley Fallen. Want your daughter to become a hooker? Well, don't just name her Caramella Scarlett or Honey Kitty Jezebel! Why not just call her a Fallen woman?

Oh, oh wait, I get it. Fallen is probably one of those "goth" names, huh? Well, here's another one for you. Cutter. He's got a cute little embroidered hat and everything. Interestingly, this website says that "Cutter" is English for "knife-maker." That's funny; I thought it was English for "I'm a rich white kid with very few real problems!"

Maniya. Lol.

Casino Phuntae looks like he didn't beat the odds this time.

It's Rainnin Love! Hallelujah!!

Pharoah Laurenzell. Nothing says "iron-fisted rule over Egypt" like a misspelled title.

And now, a friendly round of Guess-The-Sex!!

Micah Kennedy
Madison Ryan.
What do you get when you put a boys name and a president's name together? A girl's name, obviously!

Rowan Elizabeth
Tyler Elizabeth
Brogan Elizabeth
Apparently, if you have the middle name "Elizabeth," you are obviously a girl, regardless of what your first name might be. I am considering Walter Elizabeth and Robert Elizabeth for my first two daughters.

Orion Anna. Yup, girl.

Atticus. Girl.

Morgan Sierra HA HA TRICKED YOU! This one is in fact a boy.

Sage Ryan. Girl. Should have a second middle name (Elizabeth) to make it clearer, if you ask me.

Tristan Rose. Now comes the question: is the masculine name Tristan better than the name McCluskey? Um. Well.

Lexington Emery. I can't tell, actually. Could be either, given the evidence I've just presented.

Also, rumor has it that Tom and Katie have named their child Suri Xenu L. Ronette Cruise-Holmes. I am hoping they really only named her Suri.

Land ho!

Hi! What do you think of the name Usnavys (pornouced Oos-na-vees) for a girl? And what middle names do you think would go nicely with it (I would prefer something Irish). Thank you! Love Annette xxx

She adds later:

Wow, you girls are good! Yea, I read it in a book called "The Dirty Girls Social Club" (good read, I would recomend it!) It was something to do with the mother of the girl wanted a patriotic name for her daughter then she saw a ship with US Navy writen on the side and dicided to make it into Usnavys. Anyways, I was just wondering what you thought of it and if you knew any good middle names that might go with it. Love Annette xxx


The least she could have done is turned it into Usnavies. I mean, at least that would kind of look feminine. As feminine as being called U. S. Navy could be, you know.

And her twin, Sementha.

Hey parents, want to permanently mortify your daughter? Want to ensure years and years of harrassment at school? Want to make sure she never forgets how she came into the world?? Then I've found the name for you!



The Force is Strong With This One

I was trolling the boards when this tragedy was brought to my attention.

Jedi Knight.


At least they won't have to save for college. You know, 'cause he'll kill himself.

Or maybe just his father.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Eel Heaven?

I found a great name today: Nevaeh Lee Promise Angel.

That's darling, isn't it? Awww.

But here's my question: if "Nevaeh" is such a big deal because "it's heaven backwards"... wouldn't Nevaeh Lee be Eel Heaven? Mmm, fishy. You'd think they'd at least spell it Leigh or something.

Mmm. Eel Heaven. Sister to Moray?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Apostrophe Violations

Original post April 7, 2006

Ga'Nieyah La'Ray Marie and Sha'Miracle Ne'Niguia break even at two apostrophes each. I can't decide if Sha'Miracle or Ga'Nieyah is worse, so we'll call it a draw.

Da'ha'lous Winner in the apostrophe category.

Zaria Mone't - I'm not even sure how the apostrophe affects the pronunciation of this one. There is no glottal stop to be had.

KendráKashun LaVaryéé - WTF winner of the day. Try to picture this kid filling out his SAT bubbles. Seriously, I dare you.

Colors and Genders

Original post April 6, 2006

Bad baby names of the day:

Royal Blu

Nevada James (on a girl)

Tennyson Kay (also on a girl; note that the hospitals definition of Tennyson is "son of Dennis." Smooth.)

Truck, Spokane, and Sherardre-anna

Original post April 2, 2006

Latest Baby Names


Fashion Renee
Scarlet Jay
Tea Joy


Bristol Lynn
Maysa Spokane
D'Aysiah Nevaeh
Nevada Justice
Rocky Santiago

Religious (?) Names


WTF? Names
Faylee Bathshell
Heaven Sherardre'anna (with sister Amiracle)
Exayix Breat
Rodney IV (siblings Rodney II, Rodney III and Princess; dad Rodney; mom Doormat)

Just Plain Unfortunate

I'm sure the goddess of wisdom will be pleased with her protegee Atheyna Maree Nykole.

Of Sardines and Spellchecks

Original post March 29, 2006

It's true: this is my new favorite site. It's the user comments that really put me over the edge.

The name Dargana refers to anything dark, evil hearted, dragon-like, or daughter of darkness.

In other words, a perfect name for a child!

(et-twa ~best I can do with pronounciation) It means "star" in French and I purchased a bracelet in France that had a statement that just made me weak at the knees "une sardine qui revait qu'elle etatit une etoile"; which means "a female fish who dreams of being a star" and it is a statement that I very much relate to.

I'm not exactly sure what to make of this, except that I now feel kind of hungry for seafood. Or maybe astronomy?


Unfortunately, a spell-check is a woman's #2 gift.

And another one of my absolute faves is Erutan. This is nature spelled backwards and it is beautiful.

Is it just me, or doesn't this sound like the thing the missing Virginia settlers carved into a pole before they disappeared?

this name is french and is form the famous musicle Les Miserables. (is a musicle like a popsicle or an icicle?) its a kind name that makes me think of a poor but humble girl (as opposed to those poor and haughty ones)
Who wouldn't want to be named Eponine? It's got this great European sound to it. Besides, you have the Les Miserables character. Let's see, who wouldn't want to be named after the whiny bitch daughter who feels sorry for herself in song... um... let's see here...

It is sweet and spunky, a different spelling of Evie.

I think it needs another E.

Category: UM WHAT?

It's like an medevial name,on which I think is realy cool.

This name is really unusual and it's a alternate form of Monica

I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to names like this. The poignant drama of the momentary darkness and primal fear associated with eclipses, but the hope and faith that the sun will once again shine...

Wade in the Water

Original post March 9, 2006

Also, meet Nile River. Who wants to change his diapers? What, nobody?

Adragon, Valkyrie, Anwar and Aztec

Original post March 8, 2006

So. I just discovered THE BEST BABY NAMES SITE EVER, because it is based entirely upon user suggestions, and the suggestions often come with an explanation of the name. Needless to say, hilarity often ensues.

Examples from the A's and B's. Remember - this is just the A's and B's!

Adragon Rose: (Add-dreg-en)It's the name of a girls daughter I met once. I think it's very pretty and unusual. Her nickname is Addy Rose.

A Dragon Rose. Sounds like a fantasy novel.

Think Adragon is weird? Let's use it in a sentence!!
Adream Ajourney Afire Adragon Awake - I love this name because it tells a story. These are a few of my favorite things, I am currently pregnant and planning on giving my child this gift of an unique name. (A - dre - am, A - journey, A - Fear - a, Add -dre - gan, A - wah - key) and the babys last name, will be her fathers, which is miller.

Did you all catch that? Adream Ajourney Afire Adragon Awake Miller.

It sound so cold but at the same time, reminds me of cute eskimos! And eskimos rock!!! Plus, I *heart* snow.

Alaska is chock-full of those cute little eskimos! I *heart* cultural stereotypes!!

Check out the explanation on this one:
Andromeda Valkyrie (VAL ky ree) Jade is a beautiful and EXTREMELY unusual name. I love it, because Andromeda was the beautiful daughter of Queen Casseiopeia in Greek mythology. Valkyrie is from Norse mythology, a Valkyrie was one of Odin's (King of the gods, Norse equivalent of Zeus) warrior women that lived in the hall of Vallhallen. And Jade is just a pretty rock, but I figured that if you give a child two long names like Andromeda and Valkyrie, you should give them a little short one to end it up, right?
...Or maybe you just shouldn't give them two long names. I will honestly never understand the appeal of Jade. Sure, it's a "pretty rock"... but it's also slang for a hussy. Awesome.

I like this name for a girl because: A) it's the name of my favorite all-time album and song (by Uncle Tupelo); B) it means something that soothes. For short, we would call her Ana, Ann or perhaps Annie.

(Aree on ah)I came up with this name for a story I was writing. I needed something original and now I'm just attatched to the name because it flows and it's hard to spell.

"Hard to spell" is apparently a virtue in some people's books.

Avenue Fugue: the name of my first baby. Avenue means 'the Way' which my Buddhist husband loved. It rhymes with so many things. There's nothing better than a name that ends in 'ooo'. Fugue means a state of controlled chaos and is also a musical term. I love that they both end in 'ue'

What could I even add to this?

As a child In the SCA I had a mentor whose name was Brandywine and I loved her so much. I also loved the way it rolls off the tongue and how boys flock to that name.

You never want to see a sentence started with "as a child in the SCA..." Never. But imagine boys flocking to Brandywine! Inconceivable! What a great name!

because it is unique and hardly anyone is names that.

I wonder why hardly anyone is names that..?

combined family names... (bri-lin) my sisters name started with a b ..greatgrandmother rhea and my first name ends with lyn

Sorry, could you repeat that? A woolly mammoth was just brhealynning in my ear.

BRI ar lee It's a name I read in a book once and fell in love with.. the closest to a definition that I can get is; Brier, French, meaning (imagine MY surprise) Heather and Leigh, English meaning meadow, so, the definition is Flowering Meadow.

Staggering logic.

because it is very cute and sexy

Nothing's sexier than encyclopedias.

(brawn-mon) altered bronwyn...beginning to think my sister is the only one in the world with that name

Beginning to think there is a reason "Brown Man" was only given to one girl in the world...

Aideen Michael- i like names that could be for a boy or girl- that way when the sonogram is wrong, you are ready.

Great plan!!

Alex is a cute name being so common the extra x adds a bit of spice and uniqueness. Its a great name and would be fit for a strong boy with a sweet and tender side.

Or a porn star side.

A new twist on the name Allan, more substantial than the mostly middle-name material of it's predecessor. It was the name of a Druid in a book by fantasy-master Terry Brooks

Wait now, folks, say it with me.. ALLANON. ALL ANON. AL-ANON. Hm.

Ray of light

But only in the summer months. In the winter, it means "dark and getting drilled for oil."

A name my stepmother created for a play she was writing. It is Celtic though I'm not sure what it means.

I think it means, "Wow, people must not study history in school anymore. Or linguistics, for that matter."

Aztec Grey: the name Aztec (As tec) came from the tribe that was around many years ago. i love history. the middle name Grey is for my 2nd favorite colour.

BEST COMMENT EVER. I can't add anything to this.

if we ever have a boy, his name will be Atom (a variation of Adam?) with a middle name of Danger. I think EVERYONE would have to agree that saying, "Danger is my middle name" would make that the funnest dang name in the world!

As a five month old, Atom Danger was arrested when his family tried to get on a plane to Washington. He spent the rest of his life in a holding cell, plotting evil revenge against Austin Powers and breastmilk.

somewhat nerdy, but with a touch of quirky coolness.

I just put this in for kicks.

Unusual, sexy, playful -- on the right boy, this name would be heavenly. Watch out, though. If your little Binx is not confident, dashing and intelligent, he may end up the victim of unfortunate comments. Make sure your Binx loves exactly who he is.

Be sure to water your Binx twice a week. Special foods may make your darling Binx grow faster. Redeem Binx points for cool prizes! Never let your Binx watch Star Wars.

And here are some explanations that just plain didn't make sense. I call these the "Dada namers."

Not a name to consider if you want your daughter to go into buisness, after all, could you imagine a executive of a company...named 'apprentice?' But I really like the name, and it brings to mind Star Wars for me.

(ASP-pen-netta) American in origin; seems to be a combination of Aspen and netta. I like this name because it sounds old fashion and for some reason reminds me of Dodge Vipers.

Like the ocean it sort of rolls off the paper

different and friendly

Different and friendly indeed.

Faith - a religious name?

Original post February 28, 2006

A post on one of the boards. I kid you not. Pay particular attention to sentence structure.

Poster 1: Im looking for middle names mainly, but along the lines with a religious meaning. Any suggestions? Thanks

Poster 2: Elizabeth is my fn although I like it as a mn too. It means dedicated to God.

Poster 3: Elisabeth (spelled like this in Bible)

Poster 4: Faith and Abigail always seem like a religious name to me...

Did you know? Elizabeth was spelled with an S IN THE BIBLE! Dummyhead! And Faith always seem like a religious name. Yeah, it definitely SEEMS like a religious name...

Babycenter is on Acid

Original post February 28, 2006

Today, I came across Babycenter's Truly inspired names: Editors' choices from 2005. A sampling:

Revamp a classic name with a little punctuational flair. We dig these very creative apostrophe-enhanced spellings from 2005:
Ce'Qwoia (Sequoia?)
Cha'Nce (How did they put an apostrophe in a one-syllable name??)
Se'Heira (Sahara)
Cour'Tez (Raper and pillager of Native peoples... now in misspelled variety!)
De'Liberately (Wait wait, did you catch that? Someone wanted to name their kid DELIBERATELY. With an apostrophe. At least they put the E in "tely," I guess.)
Bles'Id, God'Iss and Myr'Acle (St Orthographica, preserve us!)
O'Livia (For the Irish child in all of us)
Zy'Eire (What would happen if an African country were transported to the British Isle? Zy'Eire!!)

Gods, myths, and legends
Eowyn and Legolas (wow, I had no idea LOTR was ancient myth!)
Hero, Luck, Glory, Greatness (let's not give them a big head now) (P.S. just imagine how ironic the name "Luck" could be)

Food for thought
Including Clementine and Rosemary (hey, these aren't so bad), Honey and Safron (borderline... and misspelled)... and then... Beans. Peapod. Cashew. DANISH. GHERKIN. Remember, folks, these are the EDITOR'S PICKS for 2005!!

Love to travel? Pick your favorite vacation destination as your child's moniker. These 2005 babies sound very worldly indeed:


If by "worldly" you mean "of loose moral character," then yes. These are all pole-dancers. They also suggest Bronx. BRONX. Can you imagine a little kid named BRONX walking through the Bronx. Oh man. Ohhhh man. Along the same lines, they suggest Israel.

Look to literature, and reach back into history for fascinating figures. We think these 2005 baby names have real character:

Now, some of these, I have to admit, are really pretty cool names. Newton. Darwin. Dashiell. Hannibal. I wouldn't use them, but you know... they're pretty awesome. And then... Nixon. Geronimo. Questionable, at best. BUT THEN, the best part of all: BENITO AND ROMMEL. Babycenter "reached back into history" and pulled out... THE AXIS POWERS. "Fascinating figures?" Yes. But maybe not in the way you would want.

Interestingly, they also include D'Artagnan, Hansel and TIGGER, who perhaps might fit better in the "myths and legends" section.

Go Shopping
"Some names come fresh off the packaging, as with these well-branded 2005 babies:

I have to admit, I kind of like Arden and Mercedes. Well, and Jemima, but that's a real name. BUT CHECK THE REST OF THESE OUT. This is where I am hoping it is allll a joke, or a bad dream, or a joke in a bad dream. Hyatt. Espn. Google. FANDANGO. BUTTERBALL. Haha, Babycenter, I knew it. You were pulling our legs with this list the whole time, weren't you?

... weren't you?

Maori, Saxon, Elijah Blue-Gene and Dodge Hemi-James

Original post February 19, 2006

People have been asking me lately why I frequent baby naming sites. They always ask this in a low voice, and the question is often prefaced by, "Now, this might be too personal, but..." So I thought I'd use today's entry to explain why I look at baby naming sites.

The short story is, I am not pregnant - I have train-wreck syndrome. When there is a crash on the highway, I can't help but look. When there is a link that says "NSFW!!" (not safe for work) on it, I have to click it. My ears prick up when I hear sirens in the distance, and when I see smoke, I have to find where it's coming from.

How does this relate to baby names? Have a look at Mr Elijah Blue-Gene, and you tell me.

My favorite kinds of train-wrecks involve misappropriation of foreign cultures. The truly priceless ones are few and far between, but when they happen... oh, joy. Consider, for example, Maori. It's apparently a nice alternative to Naomi. Or perhaps Saxon might suit you better? Hey, it's your kid, you should name him what you want! I love it when people think a familiarity with anime makes you a cosmopolitan figure. Poor Evangeline Kitsune's sure thought so. And then, of course, there is the woman who named her son Celtic. Train wreck winners all.

Misappropriation of religion is a great phenomenon as well. We just had a debate on one of the boards about Mecca and Trinity - offensive or not? I think I wouldn't want to risk it with Mecca, honestly. Most misappropriation of religion occurs when parents want to sound mystical or well-travelled. They mostly end up sounding dumb. Most of you probably remember the Dharma Jane fiasco, so I won't go into that again, but have you met Osiris Orien Hayden yet? Or perhaps Karma Aurora? Hey, here's a whole list of deities whose names you can co-opt! I'm thinking of naming my firstborn Lakshmi Hecuba Surya or Adonai Odin Osiris Oberon! They're really interesting and worldly, aren't they?

My other favorite type of names is names where someone either obviously wasn't paying attention, or was paying too much attention in a bad way. Unfortunately, given the apparent stupidity of many of the people who breed today, it is difficult to tell the former from the latter. Elijah Blue-Gene is a good example of this sort of name. Did his parents really mean to name him after an article of clothing? We can only hope to the contrary, but it is more likely than not that they did. Did Henecy Alizae's parents mean to name her after not one but TWO types of alcohol?

Then there are the parents who think they are too clever for us. The parents of Emma Leigh, Jay Son, Brooke Lynn, and Heaven Leigh are obviously way ahead of the curve on this.

There are also those parents who feel the inexplicable drive to name their children after a well-known noun. This is particularly painful with place names spelled incorrectly (Isrrael Giovanni), but can be equally excruciating with plain nouns. See that Hailey Cloud over there? Can we get out of the storm in the Dodge Hemi-James (note: DODGE HEMI James), or would the Treslynne Rocket Wayne be faster? Maybe we could go harvest the fruits of paradise with our Eden Sickle!

Also, Fayth Seven. I couldn't incorporate it into the sentence, but I want you all to take note: her middle name is Seven. SEVEN. SEVEN!

Also, did you know that some children never grow up? It's true! That's why it's okay to give these kids names like Dream Starr, Bella Cherie, Presious Mailyn, and Lillian-Mae Buttercup! Awww, they're so sweet! They're gonna be cute widdle babies fowever!!

You know how some train-wrecks are riveting because of the blood and gore of it all, and others are riveting due to sheer scale of the disaster? Let's meet some kids whose names fall into BOTH of these categories! Mom and Dad couldn't decide on one atrocious name... so they decided to go with them all! Hey, Ta'Varejha Romonique, could you come out here, please? And bring Emmettreio Ay'Lie Chug Chu-Kut with you? We're trying to solve a Jumble, and we think you might provide some inspiration. Hey, what about getting Ukiah James Ryvre Okemos Rain out here, too? And Sevanah Nevaeh Lea Ramona Lisa, would you come too? Now, where's Sihkyliin Rae Taeghen-Owl? Oh, Sihkyliin Rae Taeghen-Owl, come out to join us! What? You won't? Why's that? There's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about.

On the other hand, Lexi Jo could probably have used a full name to fall back on.

Of course, I couldn't let you go without your weekly dose of royalty and social-ladder-climbing. So meet Imperial Aymara. Desdemona Minerva Dior just wishes she could be Imperial. Seriously.

Jay Son, Nickifer, and Pxwpexwsshn

r!Original post January 29, 2006

First, your weekly dose of aspiring nobility:

Quin-seen-um Prince James
D'Majestee Princez
Prinsesa Vanessa
Royal Simon

Also, Nigel Justice Lawrence Joseph Tobi Charles, who probably IS nobility.

Here is an interested trend. I've seen a bunch of suggestions for Genesis as a name (spelled once as "Genisis" - eugh), but never had I seen other OT books beyond Esther, Ruth, Joshua etc. UNTIL NOW. Say hello to Leviticus Paul and Leviticus Trenton, HERE TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN, YO!

Lestat Henry Cooper is already cutting his own face - HOW GAWTH CAN YOU GET??

Here are some place names gone wrong:
Charlestina Assyria - hm. If you say so.
Brooklyn, you can kind of almost understand. But Jersey?
Yelena Rachel Zenobia. As in, "Fictitious country from the Princess Diaries." Fortunately this one is only hypothetical. Unfortunately, this means the perfectly reasonable names Yelena and Rachel were not actually used on a child instead of, oh, say, Heaven Leigh.
EDIT: LOL, as Allison points out below, I am thinking of GENOVIA, not Zenobia. Zenobia was a 3rd century queen of Palmyra who led her people in a war against Rome.

So what about Irelynn Maryn? Hey, that's two place names for the price of one - how about that for compensation!

Also, Maine. Why?

These two rough-and-tumble lads have their work cut out for them! Say hello to Tuff Robert and William "Wild Bill" Peter!! Can Knight Patriot come along to play, too?

Nothing says "I couldn't decide on any names and my spellcheck was broken" like the following charming monikers:
Saydie Alexsys Marie
Te'AijaNiece NiChelle.
Cherysh Angelina Mayjean Dores
Blade Nicholi Miley Delos looks dismayed at the thought of having to write out his full name in the future.

On the other hand, short, succinct, and completely bizarre names include:

C'Era Rain
Jay Son
Aryca Grace
Presious Mailyn
Kanyon Dale
Maddox Nickifer. NICKIFER??

Is it Xavier? Is it Zavier? Xzavier's parents never had to decide!

Alexxis Mercedes and Maxxim Michael were named for each other. Or were named for bonus points in Scrabble. Either way. Bonus points for Alexxis Mercedes sounding like "A Lexus Mercedes." I didn't know these names actually appeared in the wild!

And now, the winner for this week: Dreighzdyn Hazelle Violette. I think that's Dresden. Though I could, of course, be wrong.

Who am I kidding, folks? The real winner, as Allison again points out below, is Pxwpexwsshn. I believe it is Salish for "Vowels? We don't need no stinkin' vowels!" Or perhaps just Salish for, "Haha, let's see the white man call OUR kid's name on the school roster!"

Breed the Irish Back In!!

Original post January 28, 2006

Okay, has anyone noticed that Irish names are the coolest new kids on the block these days? We got this disgusting post over at Baby Names World yesterday:

Which name for second irish son?

We already have one son named Aiden Kael. He is about to have a brother and we have narrowed it down to two names, but dad isn't being helpful because he is still sore it isn't a girl.

Which one is better?

Cory Liam

Colin Reilly

Okay, so these aren't bad names. But I was intrigued by the "second Irish son." I asked:

I am confused about the second Irish son - are you Irish? Do you have sons that aren't Irish? Or are you adopting from Ireland for the second time?

Her response:

My husband and I are both more than 75% Irish. So, our sons are that much closer to being 100% irish. So, since we are trying to breed the irish back into our blood lines, we thought it would be appropriate to go with completely irish names.

There are no words.

Kyl Yrsyllf

Original post January 23, 2006

I read the following today:

I'm gonna be having a baby in MArch and my boyfrend and me are pickin out names for it. we don't know if it is a boy or a girl yet. i already have another girl named Maddysynn Nichole from when i was 17.

here are some names for girls

Kaydance Emersynn McKynzie
Presleigh Jayda Brooklynn (my fav)
Skylar Misti Janae
Shyanne Londyn McKynna

here are some names for boys

Kaydan Emerson McKenzie
Maison Wyatt Bradleigh
Diesel Everett McDuke
Axel Vaughn Jebediah (my boyfriends fav)

what names do you think goes best with Maddysynn?

I would suggest, "The only name that goes well with Maddysynn is 'Kill Yourself'," but the thread was old. And besides, someone would chime in and say, "Kill Yourself is nmsaa, but have you considered Kyl Yrsyllf? It's Welsh for "angelic one"!!1"

I love the name Gaye what does everyone think of it?

Original post January 17, 2006

Okay, remember how I told you about the woman who wants to name her son Gaye? I am recording the entire conversation to preserve the hilarity for posterity, bolding the particularly educational parts.

A Comedy of Bad Baby Names, in which I am called a stupid pregnant 13 year old,
and other abundant laughs

Forum: Name Reviews (Boys)

OP: I love this name what does everyone think of it?

Poster #1: I dislike the sound of it in general. But the whole homosexual meaning of it, I think, would be picked up by peers and the poor kid would be teased more often than not. Not a good idea, IMO.

Poster #2: I don't like that name at all and always think of it as a girl's name. This is probably because my mom has a friend named Gaye and she is a female.

OP: it would be for a boy not a girl i doubt kids would be so ignorant and say something like that

Poster #1: I'm still in high school and I see stuff like this every day. Something like that would be low grade. Are you considering this for a fn? I think it would make a nicer mn.

OP: for the fn i think it be better maybe so at high school but less middle school

Poster #3: Go for it. You're right, kids wouldn't be so...childish.

Me: Less middle school?? If anything, MORE middle school, and don't forget elementary school too! Little Gaye wouldn't get through the third grade with a scrap of confidence. It would be equivalent to naming him "Fairy Princess" or "Kick Me." I wish that weren't true, but it is. Please put this name away.

OP: Hey excuse me but if i named him fairy princess (which i wouldnt) then that would be my burden. I dont think any of that behaviour is likely to happen at first or middle school. I dont know about high school. If it is such a bad name why did someone else said they know 2 men with the name on here? I think it is a cross between either Gaye or Galen but Galen will just get shortened to Gaye anyway

Me: I know you don't think this behavior is likely, and that is why I am trying to warn you in the most vehement terms that it is likely. I'm not trying to be mean, I am trying to be real with you. I know kids named Kay and Ray that get teased by getting called Gay - don't do the bullies' work for them by naming him Gaye to begin with! I don't know how old you are, but as someone who was in middle school and high school not so long ago, I can assure you that kids that age, particularly the younger they are, can be merciless and cruel about the tinest things. It's narrow and small of them, but they're children and children really do behave that way. Sure, two men may have that name, and maybe they aren't scarred for life - great for them! That doesn't mean that your son will be as lucky, particularly in today's world, where "gay" is among the most common negative epithets on the playground.

I'm not here to slam your names - Galen is actually one of my favorite names of all time - but I think we are all here to support each other in making wise decisions in naming for the sake of our children. Please do consider the extreme concern being expressed on this board - I assure you we are not just crazy or something.

OP: It was'nt a joke damn, I am genuinly concidering this name for my son. Who are you to talk about names anyway you too made a poor choice of name or your mother did.

Me: there's no need to lash out. If it bothers you around here, it's often best to ignore it than to get riled because that only provokes people.

OP: Im not lashing out you were the one doing that Charlotte I just said it was a good name and you came in here like I was killing your kid or something. And why the hell should I ignore it? You are the one provoking people by telling them they are in the wrong when you are. If you hated the name or thought I was a bad apple you should have clicked the next thread. Whatever happens It isn't going to effect you is it its my burden if I name him gaye, Galen or whatever. everbody has different tastes in names For one thing I dont like your choice of names no one is going to agree on a perfect name theres no such thing anyway.

Me: Look, I am not angry with you or hating on this name - you are not a "bad apple" and I don't hate the name. It's a nice name, and I wish it did not have the connotations it now has. It's the kids who would grow up around little Gaye I am trying to warn you about. I haven't suggested any names to you, so you have no idea about my choice of names - in fact, the only thing I have said about names is that Galen, one of your own choices, is one of my favorite names of all time. I actively encourage you to use Galen, because it is beautiful and unusual and does not have as much of a risk of being teased. I am hardly the only one here concerned about the teasing risk, so please know I am not picking on you - we are all just trying to be helpful.

OP: what is with the long paragraphs you are not being helpful though Ok SSHHH

Poster #4: What is it with people who ask for opinions on names and then get mad when someone says they don't like their name?? What the heck?

OP: then dont reply nobody asked you did they

Me: Au contraire! I believe the sentence that started this whole thread was "I love this name what does everyone think of it?" Was it not? Since you're asking, people are feeling free to tell you. If you don't like being told people's real opinions, you should perhaps reconsider posting for opinions.

OP: OK Wtf does Au contraire! mean you are beginning to get more annoying and confusing with every post. Why are you on my case about it Gaye is a fine name for a boy you may not think so but many people do. And as for it being Gay as in homo I have nothing against them. I am progay I support gay people have any friends who are lezbians and gay. there are other meanings to it Such as 'happy' Why should I be ashamed of them. My son is going to grow up stronger rather than be a no name kid that nobody notices. I don't know why this thread has not been closed yet. For the record I am not being childish Im 19 whereas you being the idiot you are must be a pregnant 13 year old.

Me: It is a well-known fact that pregnant 13 year olds are idiots who somehow miraculously use "Au contraire" at apropos moments. It is also a well-known fact that those who cannot take the heat ought to consider getting out of the kitchen. Please note, for the record, that this post is the first time I have been even marginally rude. And that is because I believe the case is really closed on this one.

OP: I didnt want to be nasty but you are a jackass. What I said to you that i dont understand half the things you say. I already know your well spoken but I am not going to waste my time translating your nonsense words just use plain english. Charlotte your name is dumb seriously, i would rather use Homo or lezbian then that name. French names suck.

To which I simply replied, "You would rather use Homo or Lezbian? Isn't that what this thread was all about to begin with?"

Obviously, she is very pro-gay with those lovely Homo and Lezbian name suggestions. Also, she is apparently a great champion of "plain english," as her composition style suggests. That's really all I have to say on this point.

Pantera, Chryseis-Aaliyah, and Adonai

Original post December 23, 2005

Inappropriate appropriation of "ethnic" words in baby naming has always annoyed me, but lately I've been getting just plain pissed off with word names, "ethnic" or otherwise. Why are people driven to name their children things that they do not know the meaning of?

Question: Well I love music and I just wondered what would people think of the name Serenade. nn can be Serena.. maybe?? Reply: Ooh, I actually really like it! Here's a list of some other music-related names I like: Cadenza, Madrigal, Sonata, Cantata, Tessitura, Symphony,
Harmony, Aria.

I'm sorry. Madrigal? Symphony? I mean, Harmony and Melody if you really have to, but Aria? Cantata?? Just because a word is pretty in Italian doesn't mean it's a good name! Oooh, I know, what about Coscia, Anatra and Palestra? They mean thigh, duck, and gymnasium, but who cares, they are so beautiful!!!

I think Tress is simple and pretty. Do you think it looks incomplete?
I think it looks like a lock of hair. But maybe that is just me.

Here's a gem: WDYT of the name Pantera(Pan-ter-a)? it's Spanish for Panther.
Oh, really? I thought it was American for metal band!

Dimity - it's the word for cotton fabric with a raised pattern- may have been commonly used as a name a long time ago... Wow, then that's a perfect candidate to be a little girl's name!! Dimity, with her sisters Lawn, Brocade and Calico!!

I've already told you all about the Dharma Jane fiasco, so you will appreciate the following suggestions.

I really like the name Adonai, but my husband worries that
people will think it is egotistical of us to name our child that. I
agree and think that it would be egotistical if we were naming our son
that on purpose but I really just like the name separate from that. Is
it okay to use?
Reply: I voted yes, I think this is a really
great name but I think it is better for a girl. (IMO) Would sound
better as a middle name for a boy.

My DH and I are pagan and would like to represent this in our child's name. Some of the ones we're tossing about are:
(as a mn)
Pacien (Pay-she-en)

Wow, I didn't know that one of the tenets of paganism was scarring your children for life!!

I love Egyptian things, what do you think of the name Osiris? Reply: it's my cousin's name. I like it though my cousin is a girl...

I am currently embroiled in a big debate over Native American "names." A poster suggested Dawson for a boy and Checotah for a girl, saying "They're both Native American." First of all, "Native American" is not a language. Secondly, my college savings says this girl is not Native American. Upon further questioning, the OP revealed that Checotah (the city in Oklahoma) was named after Samuel Checote, a Native American evangelist who was later elected chief of the Creeks (lol, Dawson and Creek??). I asked why she would name a girl after Samuel Checote, and why she would insist Dawson was a Native American name when, in fact, it is simply the Western name assigned to a particular tribe in the Yukon. No response yet, and I suspect I will not receive one. OH WELL, BACK TO THE INJUN DRAWING BOARD!!

Other baby name buffoonery:

One poster just today suggested Xadrian. As in "Xadrian's Wall." A few months ago, this came up: My grandmother, Alexandra, passed away recently. My cousin wants to name her child with the middle name Ardnaxela (alexandra backwards)

One user, who is named Jhaesyn, so perhaps we shouldn't expect much, wanted to know: What do you think about the name Sakai for a middle name to Chryseis-Aaliyah??? Chryseis-Aaliyah Sakai. Hm.

One woman wants to name her little girl Tosca and asks for suggestions. I would have advised against using the name of an opera as a name for a child, but the general public does not seem to mind. Case in point: What about an indian name?
Tosca Raj
or something else?
Tosca Lou
Tosca Broll
dunno really ive never heard of the name Tosca before

Tosca Lou Broll Indrani, get in here, supper time!!

What do you think of this names: Abriyanna Skye. Whats another way to spell Aubriyanna?

I'm so glad you asked!! One poster says: I luv this name! Other ways to spell it:


Apostrophes, 1. Dignity, 0.

Dasanee, Marilyb, Quin-seen-um and Vbigail

Original post October 17, 2005

We all know about unisex names. I, for one, really hate them. But we can all generally agree on what are boy's names and what are girl's names. Right? Well, the parents of Stevie Nicole, Tommie Kalynn (Tommy Colin?), and Ruby Michael would apparently disagree.

And then there are some parents who just can't seem to decide on a name, so they give their kids way more names than they need. For example: Cherysh Angelina Mayjean Dores, Dreah Marilyb Iris Rocksanne, DeMaur Izayah-De'Shaun, Quin-seen-um Prince James, and Wanmbli Sapa Awanyanka Hoksila. My own name has only eighteen letters in it and is STILL a bloody pain to write in on forms. Can you imagine these poor kids on their SATs? "Is everyone finished with their cover sheets?" "I-L-Y-B... umm, just a second! I-R-I-S..."

-I had hoped Vbigail Love was a typo, but it appeared twice on the site. :(

-Dustand Snow. Twin with Iceand Rain.

-Jesus Christian has a fantastically fitting name. So does Niobe River.

-Kyran Che Saylor looks like he is ready to fight the system already.

-I wonder about the classical names some parents choose for their babies. I really wonder whether the parents of Juvenal have in fact read Juvenal. I know the parents of Octavious Jeffery Lee don't know anything about classical civilization, or they would have spelled Octavius correctly. And the parents of Seneca Marie obviously have no clue Seneca was in fact a man. Unless they are members of the same naming school of thought as Tommie Michael's parents.

-Summer Raby looks like she caught summer rabies.

-Do you think the parents of Yale James and Bishop Garcia have high ambitions for their sons?

-Isis Lynn Calypso says "AHHH, too many unflattering mythological names!!"

-Yurae Lauren "Yurae Lauren? I'm a Lauren!!"

-I sincerely hope Sincere Hope is able to change her name at eighteen.

-Dasanee Darnel is named after bottled water.

-Heisei Manual sounds like a book on Asian massage or martial arts.

Enter Etymology Man!

One of my favorite things about searching for bad baby names is observing the mini flamewars that dumb people start on naming boards:

Person 1: Well any time the spelling is made up I loath the name. But aside from dumb spellings ("loath," for one?), I love Leah but hate Lia. I love Viviane and Vivian but hate Vivienne. I love Alice but hate Alyse and Alise. I hate Elisabeth but adore Elizabeth.

Person 2: I hate to break it to you,
(NB: whenever this is said, it is pretty obvious that they are relishing breaking it to you) but Elisabeth is the original spelling of Elizabeth - before Queen Elizabeth I, Elizabeth was spelled Elisabeth, in English-speaking countries, at least.

Person 1: I just don't like Elisabeth's sound very much. I don't know, it's not a spirited sounding as Elizabeth. It's like Ava and Eva, similar but I think Eva has more spirit.

It's like Catherine and Katherine. Katherine came first but they've been around ages and both are acceptable names. I mean, the biblical form was Elisheba, but I'm hardly going to use that just because it's the original.

Also, I'm not sure that's true. Elisabeth is the Germen and French original form but it's always been Elizabeth in English.

It's always been Elizabeth in English. Just like Alice has always been Alice in English. OH WAIT, THAT'S NOT TRUE! ENTER ETYMOLOGY MAN!!!

The truth is, claiming "traditional" spellings for so many of these traditional names is entirely fruitless. Chaucer alone spelled "Alison" three different ways in one work. Shakespeare spelled his own name many different ways across his lifetime. Alice, Alyse and Alice (and Alys, Alis and Alise, actually) were really all the same person in those days of "genuine spelling." Elizabeth's "s" or "z" was really the last of anyone's concerns. And HELLO! THEY SOUND THE SAME ANYWAY!! Anyone who makes an effort to really distinguish between pronunciations "Elizabeth" and "Elisabeth" is obviously trying too hard.

And now, I am going to go watch Dad feed the fish.

Zarek, Cadmium and Cachet (I think it's Muslim!)

Sometimes I wonder whether the problem is bad names or bad parents. Examples:

I met a girl today whose name is Alexis Porshea (prn: Alexis Por-shay) How do you like it? Just curious. A Lexus Porsche? YES!! I didn't even know they MADE those!!

Kurst & Lincoln...WDYT? When he was gunned down, Lincoln realized he was Kurst.

WDYT of the name Cadmium for a boy?? My comment was pre-empted by another's, potentially the most hilarious comment ever:It sounds like a metal or something from the Periodic Table of Elements, in my opinion. IN MY OPINION, Cadmium sounds like it's on the Table of Elements!!

I have friend who has a five year old neice who I just found out is called Austria Rose. i thought what a cute name, what do you think? I think it sounds like a 1930s movie about Hitler.

Saffron, Fenton and Cain? These are names i love for my future children. But does she love her future children?

Hey, I really like the names STAYNER and could imagine it on a boy. I know it´s usually a surname. what do you think ? Hm, this is a toughie. It IS usually a surname, and a surname most recently borne by the Yosemite serial killer. And then there's the obvious "should have been stain on the carpet" connotations.

Kitana WDYT?? WDYT of this name? How do you acutually say this?. Kih-TAH-nah. It means "I like Final Fantasy way too much."

Kiev or Berlin? I know.. Chicken Kiev... It's the name of a city too. Keyev or Berlynn Berlinn. I'm not sure I understand the question, but I am glad to know that Kiev is a city and not just a recipe! Berlynn Keyev promises to be the new Julia Child, for sure!

What do you think of the name Khaire (Ky-ear). I like Zaire for a boy, so I think that Khaire would be a nice name for a girl. I think Zaire would be a nice name for a boy, too. OH WAIT JK JK JK!

CACHET. What do you think of this name?? It is pronounced CA-SHAY. I knew someone with this name-i think it's muslim, but im not sure. But wdyt?? Like it-hate it-would u use it?? says: ca·chet 1. A mark or quality, as of distinction, individuality, or authenticity. 2. A seal on a document, such as a letter. 3a. A commemorative design stamped on an envelope to mark a postal or philatelic event. 3b. A motto forming part of a postal cancellation. 4. A kind of wafer capsule formerly used by pharmacists for presenting an unpleasant-tasting drug. WAFER CAPSULE ALI, GET DOWN HERE AND SAY YOUR PRAYERS!

Milagros?? I know yall are thinking what the hell??? But it mean "miracles" in Spanish. As in, it would take miracles for this kid not to be teased? PELIGRO!!

What do you think of the name Dakiri for a girl (pronounced da-ker-RI, like the drink)?
maybe spelt differently... Daquiri?
Dakiri, Wiskee and Burbynne Jones!

WDYT of Chanai/Shanai? Pronounced Cha-N-eye...or Sha-N-eye. theres a girl on X-Factor who has this name, i love it..WDYT? Chanai? As in Roti Chanai? Mmmm, delicious!

WDYT of the name Caber? I thought it was kinda cute. I hear the newest playground fad is the Caber Toss.

We are having a really hard time picking name for a boy. What do u think of this name? Zarek Philson Ling. Philip is my dad's name and Nelson is my FIL's name so I ended up using both so either one of them will be jealous. But I dunno know Zarek sounds for a Chinese boy tho. Prn like Derek but it's Zarek. ZAREK WILL RULE THE GALAXY IN HIS PHILSON LING 3X5000!!

Things I can't even comment on:

I know it's a type of tea, but if you didn't know that/it wasn't, wouldn't Chai be a cute boy's name? I love the sound of it for a little boy or even once he's grown up, but I don't think the tea connotations are really that desireable. Anyone know any names like this, or that I can use instead?

I think Aria would be the perfect middle name for Sonnet!

WTDY of the name Tarot?

Paygan..??? Opinions welcome on this one, its kinda Goth, which i like

What does everyone think on the name Mascara? I think it is a lovely and unusual name.

Bad joke post!

Original post September 30, 2005

Hooray! The paper is in (and over a page longer than required!) and I've eaten my lunch and I can faff about on the internet once more!
While procrastinating, I found the mother lode for online hospital baby announcement links (where our good friend Orion Blaze came from). Today's browsing yielded an astonishing number of names that never should have seen the light of day. Like, really, never. Jennifer Princess is only the tip of the iceberg. That's why I am presenting these all in the form of bad jokes. Because we can only wish these names were bad jokes.

-What do you name a kid born in a tightly-knit enclave of white people? Aryan Glen, apparently.
-Who will have trouble with spelling lessons? Anikah Mersaydes, Mersadez Coreena, Myranda Neiomi, Irais Johhana, Liberti Madilin and Myracle Luella will!
-Who told Mary she was preggers? Angel Gabriel, of course!
-What's green and holds your washing machine together? A Saige Rivet!
-Why would you name your child after yogurt? Dannon Elizabeth's parents know!
-Whose parents are total sci-fi tools? I'm willing to bet Riddick's are! Atreyu Sebastian's parents are also under heavy scrutiny.
-Who is going to be the most embarrassed English major ever? Asa Isaiah Hemenway!
-Who got voted Class of 2018's "Most Likely to Be a Porn Star?" Shyann Destinee and Aysia Kyana (who, incidentally, is also going to be "Most Likely to Fail Geography")
-Which two boys born this year should be automatic best friends for bad-name solidarity? That's going to have to be Kaedyn Whiskey Lee and Jack Daniel.
-Who means business? Justice Virgil, definitely. Just as soon as he figures out those sleeves.
-Who is never going to get along with his girlfriend's father? What do you want to bet it's Eros Cuauhtemoc.

Tied for the worst today:
Crystal Rubi and Tru Joy.

The Force is Strong With This One

Original post September 30, 2005


Goth namers, fairy namers, Juelz and Purse-a-phone

Original post September 25, 2005

Another foray into the world of baby naming message boards (hooray putting off the Milton paper!) yielded a new crop of "original" and "creative" names I'd never encountered before. Remember my shock in the spring when I learned that Cadence (and all variations) was a name? Yeah. So imagine my surprise when today I found out that Poet was a name.

User mommy_at_15 says: WDYT of Poet Sienna Rose? I saw it in a magazine... I say, if you saw it in a magazine, then it must be good! It's apparently the name of Punky Brewster's daughter - ANOTHER POINT in its favor!! One mother wants us to vote between Syenna Nikol (Syenna is pronounced Sigh-enna) and Rianna Poette. One savvy user points out, "I'm sorry but "Syenna Nikol vs. Rianna Poette" looks like a mudwrestling marquee!" Another makes a very astute remark: "I don't mean to single you out specifically, but every time I see a post with names like these, I shake my head and wonder if people are purposely trying to breed an entire generation of strippers and pornstars."

Sienna/Syenna is another up-and-comer, apparently. One mom on another board says, "I love the names Seienna Leone, what does everyone else think?" Personally, I think "blood diamonds." But maybe that's just me.

In my last post on this subject, you may remember my amusement at "goth" names. Guess what? There are apparently still pregnant goths out there. One lady posts "Salem? Is that a cute name for a girl or am I just insane?" She may not be insane. But a couple of these other users are:

Aisling: "I like it... sounds like a spiritual, witch like name (obviously!)."
BrokenCondom: "I think its absolutely adorable."
(lol username)
a_margaret: "And Salem is obviously a boy's name, I think."

One Gawth Mawm asks, "Wwhat do you think of the name Salem Lucifer and December Constantine?" I think the only better name would probably be Bloodravyn Batblayde. Either way, this mom apparently knows that "Salem is OBVIOUSLY a boy's name!"

One dark but creative mother suggests:
Persephone ( purr-sef-fa-nee)Greek Goddess - lover of Hades.
Xaida (shy-da)Portuguese/Tribal name mix, meaning unknown ( Source:Parentsite)
Zahayla (zuh-hay-lah) Source:Parentsite

Xaida and Zahayla went over unsurprisingly well (though one user suggests Zaida and Xahayla). Another poster, however, was not so amused. um...wasn't Hades the keeper of hell or something like that? the greek version of the devil? Lover of the devil...wonderful name for a child. Plus, no one will EVER pronounce it correctly (purse-a-phone). Three cheers for Purseaphone.

The only thing worse than a gothic namer is a fairy namer. You know the kind I mean. The kind like this:

The Tolkein name Celeborn, I like it but how does one say it? I haven't see the Lord of the Rings Movies but I have read the books but I'm confused on how to say it. Is it K sounding or is the C like an S? I'm learning more towards the K.

For a girl, Undine. Undine is an elemental. AKA a spirit of water.

Sabrina Fair, one of my favorite users EVER, recently presented "Celestial Dawn" as one of her top picks.

A woman now very very dear to my heart just started her very own "unique names" website. Some of her fairylicious offerings include: Aetherie, Ambrosia, Enodia, Branwen, Bedivere, Caridwen, Avalon, Faerie, Freya, Flora, Gaia, Lotis, Leucothea, Lancelot, Nearia, Lamia, Mordred, Merlin, Ourania, Pasiphae, Zobiana, Urien, Seriphia etc. etc. This woman is also a big fan of taking names from world religions, great books, and creation myths and calling them "original. Bast, Dionysus, Dagon, Ganesh, Jupiter, Jehovah, Cadmus, Eurydice, Leviathan, Lear, Messiah, Mecca, Eastre, Pele, Pan, Nefertiti, Vishnu, Valhalla...

So many of these people do this sort of thing. "Hey, I liked how it sounded and took it away without consideration for its meaning!!" Case in point: on another message board, "Othella: I saw this on a baby-names site, apparently it's the feminine version of Othello. Any thoughts? I had just never heard it before. "HAY! Othello is Shakespeare, that must be smart!" Never mind the murder bit. One girl responded hilariously: Ewww, I don't like that at all makes me think of the game othello, anyone remember that one?? "HAY! Who's Shakespeare???" People are always asking what other posters think of these beautiful names they've robbed. "WDYT of Tareva-Chine. it is a native american meaning beautiful eyes". I bet it is. Know know what else I bet? That YOU'RE NOT AN INDIAN. A close relative of this sort of cultural pillaging is turning foreign words into English names. For instance: Ideha: Pronounced ee-deh- ah. Trying to reproduce the Italian pronunciation of the word "Idea" in Italian, but not keen on "idea" itself. What do you think????. I think you need to get a dictionary. And a spell-check.

Here's a good one: I know this name's a little strange(well, more than a little), but anyway here it is: Benjorah. I mixed Bengal(as in tiger)and Tora(which is Japanese for tigress)together. What do you think? I like different names, since I have a very common name(Brittany). First of all, it's obvious your name is Brittany, if you know what I'm saying. Secondly, wtf?

Once you start making crap up, things just go downhill. Would you name your daughter Juelz, pronounced Jewels? No. Next? Hamble? Sounds like the brunch special at Ihop. Quade? I rest my case. However, sometimes making crap up is better than sticking with a "real" name. Examples:
I know it is also a city in Ohio, but what do you think of Coshocton as a name?
Diesel (Dee-zall) or any other spelling variaton... ok so its pronounced like the feul you put in a car. I love this name, what does everyone else think?

I think it's time to take some of that feul and SET YOUR OVARIES ON FIRE.

Tygerlilie, Valhalla and Ezra (on a girl)

Original post August 22, 2005

I discovered a new board, and OH BOY GUYS, it's the mother lode. Haha, get it? Mother lode? Hm.

Mom-to-be #1: Eulayshia - what do you think about this name?
Mom-to-be #2: it makes me think of euthanasia

One girl likes the names Merrimei and Seven. As in "Marry me" and the numeral. She says, "These are my favorite names, besides Ariana." I think maybe she should stick with Ariana.

One mom says, I am 5 months pregnant and considering names for my baby. I already have a 2 year old son called Winnifred and a 4 year old daughter called Meadow. I love the name Irony for a girl, but do you think that the meaning would be unfair to the child? I also like the names Tygerlilie and Prince. Please give me some feedback on what you think of these names.

User RedSoxFan provides helpful commentary: I can't see Irony on a child, unless the situation it occured was ironic.. like you took a million steps to prevent the conception yet it still happened, but that would just be mean.. and you would have to explain it to the child. RedSoxFan's favorite names are Faelyn Rose, Svetlana Grace, Lysandra Macaria, and Breydun Lee.

One mother is considering Antigone. A mom who has obviously done some background research. Another user comments, “Sounds like a wart remover or a bug spray - Anti-Gone!”

Another mom is considering “Caprese.” As in Insalata Caprese. She is pronouncing it “Caprice.” Caprice indeed.

There is an entire thread on "Gothic names." Unsurprisingly, these are not names like Odo, Etheldreda and Jean Pucelle, but names like Raven and Wednesday. In fact,

Demonica for a girl and Davin for a boy
Morgana Faye and Mordred
Dawn and Dusk
Isolde and Tristan
Sigyn and Loki Lucas Gabriel
Talon Malachai Trueblood
Zoe Malice
Tabitha Soulstice
Shannara Rain
Paisley Ariana
Autumn Rain
For a boy, Dracula, Lusfer, Dhamipr, Crow, and Wolf
Girl names, Moon, Darlar, Chilmmide, Rubella
(takes after her parents)
(having a toddler named Satan would at least be pretty accurate)
(what would you tell the guy at the supermarket if you lost your kid and had to page him over the intercom? “I lost my kid Lost.” “Sorry, what?”)
(this kid would never have self-esteem issues)
(HOW IRONIC would it be to name a newborn this?)
Cyd/Cyd Charisse
(I think she’s serious)
(triplet to Ember and Ash)
(hope this kid’s a farter)
(Now we know where Persephanie got her name)
(In spite of my rage, I am still just a rat in a Kaige.)
(This would be a good middle name for Narnia, actually!)
(it would be sad if Trilogy were an only child)
(I’d hate to change this kid’s diapers)
(Electra would be hellbent on killing her mother – just like her namesake)
(a teenage girl would have no body image issues whatsoever if her name were Leviathan, I bet!)
(hate to comb this kid’s hair)
(good name for an ornery toddler)
(I suspect you actually wouldn’t want to potty-train a kid named "God of the Waters")
Calyx Acacia 'Caly'
(For extra fun, check out this Acacia Calyx!)
Eleanore Hiver (Hiver is winter in French)
(That’s true, but most people in America don’t speak French. Hey BeeHiver!)
Lillith Moon Eternity
Willow Sangria
(UH OH!)

Queen_Lamia suggests:

(I SWEAR I am not making this up)
(Spanish for "flour")
(think of the jokes her boyfriends could make about being "in Finity")
(Farina Grainne would be a great name)
(hope the kid won’t have a lisp)

(no doubt a variation on Damien)

What can I even say, folks? What can I even say?

EDIT: Forgot to add Ezra Alexavia. For a girl.


Posted by: OP
Subject: Winter

I really like Winter for a girl a lot, what Middle Name would go good with it?

What do you think of These:
Winter Joy
Winter Blythe
Winter Delight
Winter Fable
Winter Faire
Winter Jubilee
Winter Annelise
Winter Winona
Winter Promise
Winter Welcome

Also what's a good First Name for Kaysar?

Winter Delight? Does that not sound like some kind of frozen dessert? Winter Jubilee and Winter Faire would be good twin names. Winter Promise could be a disappointing name if she were born in the spring. And Kaysar... sounds kind of like Delta Rei, don't you think? It continues, and the OP finds a new friend with similar taste(?)...

Posted By: Poster #2
In Reply to: Winter

I love love love Winter for boy or girl.
I like...
Winter Delight
Winter Fable -I prefer this on a boy though.
(Winter Fable would definitely never get picked on as a kid.)
Winter Faire
Winter Annelise
Winter Promise - ♥ Promise. My baby. I love it!
Winter Welcome -I love both names, but I'm on the fence as to whether I like them together or not.

You seem to have a bit of my style. :)
Winter Indigo
Winter Sapphira
Winter Stelara
Winter Lorelei
Winter Claire
Winter Esmeralda
Winter Treasure
("What's this, Cap'n?" "Yaaarr, it's the Winter Treasure!")
Winter Soleil
Winter Emmaline
Winter Tempest
(What can I even say to this?)
Winter Silence
Winter Esteem
Winter Kerenza / Kerensa
Winter Capri
Winter Isla
Winter Twyla / Twila
Winter Frost
(Make it stop...)
Winter Bliss
Winter Snow
(... I'll do anything, just make it stop...)
Winter Kismet
Winter Azure
Winter Eleri
Winter Kelia (keh-LYE-ah)
Winter Ivayla (fem. form of Ivaylo)
Winter Song / Songa
Winter Tulip
Winter Noelle
Winter Rose

Posted by: OP
In Reply to: Winter

AH i SO love you *hugs back* LOL

You have awesome taste in names!
I love these:

Winter Claire
Winter Frost
Winter Rose
Winter Emmaline
Winter Snow
Winter Song
Winter Tulip

ah so many choices I dunno what to pick!

SO MANY CHOICES! SHE DUNNO WHAT TO PICK! Winter Tulip made the final round. My faith in humanity has been shattered.

The funniest part of this whole thread, though, was:

Posted by: Poster #3
In Reply to: Winter
Subject: Att Poster #2

I was just wondering what your children are called?

The best question asked all day.

Boston Jinx would have been pretty good until 2004, actually

Original post Aug 12, 2005.

Oh man. I was just back on Mercy Medical Center's website (home of the now-infamous Aryan Justice.) And they've got a great new crop, I have to say.

-Boston Michael, whose father obviously has some high ambitions for his little sports star.

-Ahtum Rene will probably have some issues with phonics when she hits the second grade.

-Taytumn Essie looks a little skeptical about her name.

-Eoghan Fein is totally going to join the IRA. Look how bad he is already.

-My brother points out that a Delta Rei is generally something that gets shot out of space-age guns on TV.

-Brystal: baby? or kitchen cleaning product?

-Heaven Rain: baby? or Glade Plug-In scent?

-Wow. On the plus side, he looks like he's going to be a famous philosopher. On the negative side, his name will never fit on the spine of the books.

-All I have to say is, don't mess with Persephanie Jinx.

Baby Names at

I've decided to run a little trial period on Blogger for the bad baby names segment of my usual blog. I'm not entirely enamored of Blogger's setup, particularly the fact that I cannot backdate posts! What is this crap?? At any rate, I will be moving my old posts here to keep a sort of archive, and will be posting daily to this blog with new material, which is born every day (scary thought). Without further ado, the archive!