Sunday, October 22, 2006

In honor of the season:

My father spent the evening hanging about a thousand pieces of string in front of our door, to make a spooky entrance for trick-or-treaters next week, so I figure there is no better time than to examine some seriously spooky names. Granted, most names featured on this blog are seriously spooky names, but I think we are long overdue for an updated on... GOTH NAMES!

Yes! Remember Rasputina, Nothing, Calamity and Chlamydia? Let's be serious, who could forget Chlamydia? Well, as the biggest goth night of the year draws closer, let's review some names currently popular on the goth/"goth"/mental scene: has kindly provided us with an entire list appropriate for the season. Included are such gems as:

Banshee - "Screaming Spirit"
Blair - "A Witch Project"
Bloody Mary - "Ghost Legend"
Bones - "Skeletal" (Bones would never get teased in junior high, I bet)
Boo - "Scary"
Chaos - "Extremely Disorganized"
Cyclops - "One-Eyed"
Dementia - "Insanity"
Fang - "Long Tooth" (This one would definitely get bottle-fed)
Hulk - "Scary Superhero"
Malifacent - "Evil Godmother in "Sleeping Beauty"" (Way to spell, Way to spell.)
Reaper - "Very Grim Visitor" (I think this definition is my favorite)
Salem - Witchy Black Cat (Or, you know, that whole witch trials thing. Ooooh, spooky.)
Sasquatch - Bigfoot (definitely wouldn't want a breech birth with Sasquatch)
Scarface - Al Capone's Nickname (only appropriate if they have to use forceps)
Skull - Skinless Head (that's one way to put it, I guess.)
Zombie - Living Dead (every woman wants to give birth to the living dead!!)

On one discussion board, the debate raged on goth names for a truly unfortunate pair of twins:

OP:Ok well, my best friend is having twins, a boy and a girl, and she insist on naming her babies dark, very gothic names. Anyone have any suggestions for first and middle names?

Poster 1: I don't know if these will fit but i like them and i think they have a darkness to them.
Dart (Vader?)
Darwin (must be an intelligent design fan)

(I think this is "Druid." One very illiterate Druid.)
(That's funny, I think of onyx has having a darkness to it, too!)
Lava (Lava. Seriously. SHE JUST SUGGESTED LAVA.)

Poster 2:
-Friday (apparently, Saturday and Sunday just aren't goth enough)

(natural childbirth, perhaps?)


(Duck. DUCK.)
("Where you going?" "Oh, to pick up Stix.")
(I think they should just get it over with and name her "Green Fairy")

Poster 3: Hey isn't "goth" something that is associated with death, queen victoria, the rest of the victorian obsession with death and dying,Esp.with children,and babies,since not many lived. Also-Why are people making this a christian/non subject? Or is "goth" now a pagan thing? I thought it was just a pessimistic thing?

Poster 4: Jesus, get a brain, Gothic subculture is all about expression, unlike the new age yuppies of the world, religion is no subject, and some people t choose to be into the death part, you don't have to be all dark and depressed to be gothic, that' s a complete stereotype.

"Jesus, seriously. Our subculture is all about expression, which is why everyone dresses the same. That's what Gothic is. Get a brain! What? What's a triforium? What? No, I've never read Jane Eyre, why do you ask?"

Poster 5:
the gothic name for a boy is dracula, lusfer ,dhamipr ,crow, wolf
and here some gothic girl names, moon ,darlar , chilmmide, rubella

Ahhh. Chlamydia, there you are. At least, I think that's you. You're next to Rubella, so it's a bit hard to tell.

I have saved the truly terrifying for last. That's right. Namenerds. They've got a goth section. Oh the horror.

Ague - term for Malaria used from the middle ages up until the 20th century. (New sibset idea: Malady, Malaria, Ague and Chlamydia. WDYT???)
Autumn - season where everything dies (I guess that's one way to look at it.)
Avarice - Greed. One of the Seven Deadly Sins
Azazel - Hebrew Bible goat-like demon (Attractive.)
Candelaria - a plant family thought to drive away evil spirits in the middle ages (Note to parents: Do not name a brother and sister Azazel and Candelaria.)
Catafalque - coffin-shaped box covered with a black cloth used in place of a body if one is not available for the funeral. (Were any of you like me, and read "cattle f*ck" at first glance? Great name)
Clove - cigarettes that goths and art students smoke a lot of (at least they're honest. I want to name my kids Phillip Morris and Marlboro Camille, personally).
Cloven - what Satan's hoofs are (also an important distinction in kosher dietary law. Is "Shellfish" a goth name, do you suppose? What about "Pork"...?)
Dies Irae - mass for the dead (Actually, this means "Day of Wrath." Methinks someone has listened to the Requiem one too many times.)
Dystopia - the opposite of Utopia - theoretical place where everything sucks.
Funereal/funerea - put the "fun" in funeral! (You did not just say that.)
Imbolc Celtic festival - corresponds with St. Bridig's day (Feb. 1). Groundhog Day actually stems from this. (Awesome. I always wanted to name a kid after... Groundhog's Day.)
Morbosa/Morbosis - "horny" in latin (Intercoursana Ecstasy too overt for you, but still want to name your kid something SEXY? This one's perfect!) (Unless, of course, it means "horny" like "spiny." In which case, I hope a C-section is in order)
November - cold, crappy month in the northern hemisphere
Orchid - I don't know why, orchids pop up a lot in goth clubs, They're exotic and rare. (NB - "Orchid" is actually the Latin word for "testicle." Nice one, Gawth Mawm. Nice one.)
Pancuronium - a poisonous compound used in lethal injection death sentences.
Penance - what you have to do to make up for your sins (in this case, using any name on this list)

Saturday, October 14, 2006

With siblings Goould, Dawkinnes, Linnaeyus and Mendelle!

Anonymous commenter on September 5th, this one's for you:

Darwyn Amelia.

She looks pretty upset about it, too. Who wouldn't? Especially seeing as natural selection should have weeded out namers like this long ago.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Just Plain Unfortunate

I'm organizing my "Bad Baby Names" section of bookmarks (it's massive, as you might imagine), and I don't think I've posted much from my "Just Plain Unfortunate" folder of late. When I first started keeping a folder like that, names that qualified were relatively mild ones, like Paisley, or Sugar Ray, or Alexia. Where did the time go? Where did the brains go? So, without further ado:

Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Ameliaaaa...

Out of diaper wipes? It's cool, just run over to the Sa Vaun or Long's or whatever.

Having grown up a conservative Christian, Jesus Clinton is a bit for me to wrap my mind around.

Do you think Teirainy's parents noticed her name sounded like "Tyranny?" Tyranny Fleur's parents did, one would hope. Or perhaps they were trying for a trendy form of Tiranie? Which I can only imagine is... a trendy form of Tyranny. Yikes.

We've been hit!! Maday! Maday!! Our emergency systems are FayLynn!! Send a Warchild, ASAP!!

Think Apple just isn't wild enough? Try a Durian!

Please Analyse this spelling of "Anneliese," and explain to me how her twin got the name Rebecca Jean?

I used to think "Unique" was the most ironic name. And maybe it still is, but Nawledge comes pretty close.

Culturally appropriate? Perhaps. But still a bit Harsh.

"I'm having a baby!" "O rly?" "Yarelly!"

Monday, October 09, 2006

Stephen Colbert agrees:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


I've been terrified of the Ks over at Namenerds for a long time, now. Mostly because one explanation offered in that segment contains this statement:

k is a strong letter i believe girls need strong names to shape a strong personality.

Because, you know, without strong names with strong letters, girls just wither away into embroidery and nothingness. Eleanor, Alice, Liana... shrinking violets, all. I mean, who ever met an Eleanor with a strong personality, anyway?

This is one that I got out of that Name-O-Tron. I must say that it sounds very nice. I plan on using it in a story I write.

God bless you for not using it on a baby you conceive.

A friend of my mother in laws daughter was named this. She was killed in a car wreck when she was 16. I always liked it. Hope you will too.

Does anyone else find the juxtaposition of "She was killed in a car wreck" and "I always liked it" a bit chilling? Maybe just chilling enough to put me off Kabrina.

My wonderful, beautiful daughter's name-same as Kaley but my husband didn't like the spelling so he came up with his own and if you write it in cursive - it really flows.

Kaele's mother discovered, too late, that in fact every name on earth really flows when written in cursive. It's kind of the point of cursive.

Kaethe Elizabeth
I got this name from a book. The character's name was Katherine, but her Irish name was Kaethe.

Even though Kaethe is a German name. Oh those mystical Celts, they sure got around!

Great Irish understatements here!

As in, "Saying you had never studied vocabulary would be an understatement?"

(KAY-lun) name of a gorgeous angel haired at my first sons childcare whom I named my second child after. It is a gaelic boys name meaning strong warrior.

Man, it's amazing when those gorgeous angels hair at your daycare.

Kaeylarae Brielle:
Kaeylarae is the angel of peace, and that is what I hope my daughter will be!

Maybe the angel of peace in Crazyland. Or Kraeylaraezyland.

it's origins are Sanskrit and mean energy, dark goddess. I love this name because it is a simple name that shows how much you would value your child (goddess)

Funny, I thought it would show what you thought of your child (goddess of darkness and destruction). Maybe this woman should have a talk with the angel of peace's mom up there.

I love this name VERY unique

Maybe for a cat. Or a dancer at the KittyKat.


Kalvery, Golgatha and Holy Prepuce Jones? Come to the front of the classroom, please.

I have always liked the name Kalyca {kah LEE kah} for a little girl. Kalyca is a different, beautiful sounding name that I would be proud to yell out in a crowded store while trying to locate my child.

I, for one, am always proud to yell for my disobedient kid in public. Who wouldn't be?

It's unique....from Della which means nobility.

Can't get wax out of your tablecloth? Need a little mood lighting? Try KANDELLESSA, the new candle substitute! Proud choice of acolytes, Martha Stewart, and ritualist Satanists everywhere!

Hindi for "mighty poet." This is what your name a kid who's going to be seriously super-fly. Nicknames may include Vin, Vindra, Kavi. Gorgeous and rare.

AWESOME! They've figured out a way to genetically-engineer your child to be seriously super-fly??

(Kelly May) when i was little i wanted to have 2 girls called Kellie and Mae. then i thought it would sound better as Kelliemae and ive loved it since then. The hawian spelling for it is Kelimei which is more unique.

And definitely not "Hawian."

It is very unusal I think it means waterfall.

You know, I think. Either way, very unusal.

( kay- lee -ann) I haven't found a meaning for this either but would guess ~mysterious one~

I haven't found a meaning for it either, but I'd guess ~ augh! my eyes!! ~

Ciara Mackenzie
When I looked at her, I just knew that was her name. I actually came up with Ciara from a perfume that one of my favorite teachers wore. Mackenzie was because she has a lot of irish in her. I thought the name just rolled off of your tongue. Ciara is pronounced the same as sierra.

Yup. She's got so much Irish in her, she received a mispronounced first name and a Scottish second name. Kudos, MacMommy!

This was my top choice for a girls name but it is becoming a little to popular now. I also like the name Korin. It sounds rather German to me, and since I am a lot German, it brings out my heritage.

It SOUNDS German. Just like Sierra Mackenzie SOUNDS Irish! What a great way to honor your heritage!

Kinsie McRae: So cute! Kinsie is very cute alone, but McRae is always a good addition to most names.

McRae is always a good addition to most names? Wow, if only I'd known! Let's test it! Helen McRae. Miranda McRae. Mackenzie McRae. McRae McRae. WOW, I could go on forever!!

Kinsey was also a famous controversial sexologist. Very cute!!

not short for anything. The advantages are:
a. the boys will like it.
b. the girls will soon accept it.
c. the teachers will get used to it.
d. combining it with a middle name makes it more appealing, especially when paired with other gender-benders, i.e., Kit Morgan, Kit Tyler, Kit Cassidy, or a very feminine version would be Kit Delicata. (See Delicata)

I like how this woman is prepared for Kit to be so controversial that the girls will have to accept it, and the teachers will eventually get used to it. How does she even know the boys will like it? I'd go with Kallyko Kit, if I wanted boys to like it.

Kodie Lee: I chose the name Kodie Lee for my newborn daughter. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to name a son Cody John, but when I found out I was pregnant with a girl I thought the name was perfect, although I decided to change the spelling because I thought it looked a bit more feminine, but still retained a strong & confidant quality. When my daughter was born extremey premature (24 wks & 1lb 8 oz), a friend had her name meaning analyzed, we found out that it meant "Gods Gift"....she truely is!

Hm. The best etymology I can come up with for this one is "island forest clearing," from Kodiak and the OE -ley. Or perhaps "ally forest clearing," from Dakota and -ley. If you reversed the Lee to Eel, Kodieel could be an Anglicization of Chagaiel, a falsely constructed name meaning something like "God's festivities," or perhaps of Kochavael, another falsely constructed name that could be construed as "God's star." This is all hypothetical bullshit, of course, given that I know no Hebrew, and clearly, neither does this woman's friend.

And finally, there are no words for these:

contact in German. I dont know why, but I just like it.

My best friend is named Katherine..and she wanted an upbeat funky nickname...Kafrika was born..when we mixed Kafrin (her previous nickname) with her favourite spice Paprika. (can also be said kaf-rica)


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Prayer Bulletin

Wondering who Yu'Shall-Pray for?

A Fearless Christian Soldier, naturally.


Perhaps I ought to review a little Bad Baby Names Blog tenet before I launch into this short entry. Let's talk about twin names for a moment. People have this funny notion that twins' names need to match. Ruby and Pearl. Lily and Violet. Dakota and Cheyenne. Thing #1 and Thing #2. As a twin, I'll let you privileged readers in on a little secret: twins come matched. You don't need to match them - they match already! Wasn't that kind of Nature, saving you all the trouble of coming up with matchy names? Just think! Now you can spend that energy coming up with names that will reflect their individuality and separateness, on the off chance that they might grow up as different people! Thanks, Nature!!

Anyway, meet Gabriel and Gabriele.

Only a bit confusing.

On an only slightly better note, meet Kaprice and Koltyn. Correct me if I'm wrong, but does this not sound like the name of a successful exotic dancing act?