Sunday, March 09, 2008

"i wonder why..."

Do you notice that no ones naming their babies Dick anymore? i wonder why

Thus began a most illuminating thread on one of my favorite baby-naming boards. It no longer surprises me to find these sorts of inquiries on the internet. The quality of responses, on the other hand, still kind of astonishes me. One stupid person on the internet? Okay. ONLY stupid people on the internet? Increasingly possible. Example:

No one is naming their children "Dick" anymore for the same reason people aren't naming their children Eleanor or Ethel anymore. THE NAMES make the kids seem older than they are not to mention the fact that kids get picked on for having weird names.......

I just think it not in fashion anymmore

I feel it would be heartless to chime in and say, "Well... maybe because it's now a synonym for 'penis?'"

Is Passion a common name?

Lord, I hope not. No responses on this one. Probably a good sign.

Oval and Candle - WDYT of these names for girls?

Ok, now here's one we can all agree on - Oval and Candle are never okay, ever. Right? Right..?

-"Oval is ok but Candle is horrible."
-"Candle's similarity to Kendall (and to Chandler) makes it seem namier. Besides, the concept conjures images of churches and celebrations, which is also vaguely namey. I personally don't like it, but I could call someone Candle without flinching... Oval, on the other hand, is pretty awful IMO."

Sorry, sorry, wait. You guys are making this too hard for yourselves. Look again. It's OVAL. And CANDLE. OVAL AND CANDLE. Try again.

Hi everybody.
I am due in April with twin boys and my husband Matthew and I can not decide on any names. These boys will be our fist kids and we are so exited, but there is a lot of pressure as we can't find any names. We want them to have somewhat unique first names because their middle names will be Matthew and Robert. Any suggestions are welcomed.

Oh, first-time mom. You have already made the number-one mistake of first-time moms: saying that ANY suggestions are welcomed.

Hey there my name is Jolene and i think that for your twin boys the perfect names would be Eamon and Noel. as you can see i have a unique name and im a very unique person and i think these names would be great for yours boys.

Eamon and Noel? Noel will probably get beaten up on the playground, but I guess this could be much worse. I'm a little lost as to how being named Jolene makes you a visibly-unique person, though.

Alas, the responses went typically downhill from here.

my son's name is Payden and is very similar to other names. such as jayden, hayden, payten, grayden, aiden, and so on :D

Um... thanks for sharing? Oh wait, you are suggesting that First-Time Mom use these on twin sons? Jayden and Hayden? Aiden and Grayden? Payden and Payten? I'm sure they'd really appreciate those. Nothing says "I am a twin, yet have my own identity" like rhyming names. Especially when those names will also rhyme with the names of half of their kindergarten class.

How about:
Acheron, Raiden, Taliesin, Caelan, Corrin, Fagan, Evoy, Finlay, Finnegan, Kegan, Nevan, Rogan, Brycen, Anson, Denson, Lucien...

Ooh, Raiden! There's a rhyme we haven't used yet! Raiden and Grayden! I'm a little disturbed that, of these suggestions, there are only two that do not end in N. Taken all together, they kind of sound like related chemical isotopes. I am also a little disturbed that the first suggestion was Acheron. Acheron? Really?

-Truman and Isaac
-Gage and Ty
-Abram and Skandar
-Silas and Nico
-Klaus (pronounced Clow-s) and Alek
-Beau and Orin (Beau and Ori)
-Corbin and Serefinn (Corey and Finn)
-Jeremy and Preston
-Prosper and Zebben (Prosper and Zeb/Ben/Zebben)
My favorites are Truman and Isaac, Gage and Ty, Beau and Orin, Corbin and Serefinn, and Prosper and Zebben. I think twins should have their own names to go with their different personalities.

While I fully agree with her final sentence, this user may need to seriously re-evaluate the merit of her suggestions. These are some of the most disparate twin names ever. As a twin, I am all for individuality. Jeremy and Preston do nicely. But Prosper and Zebben? Are you giving birth to a Pilgrim and an extraterrestrial?

Fortunately, not every response on the internet is a bad one.

Is Poverty a nice name for a girl?

Maybe she'll have a twin you can name Destitute. That'd be twice as charming.

I have been exhorted by you, my dear far-flung readers, to post more frequently. I know I've been very remiss with this charge. But if you find yourself here wishing you had something to read, remember: there are a lot of baby-name boards out there with a lot of stupid responders. Go be a smart one!


Blogger The Dada Drummer said...


Monday, March 10, 2008 8:01:00 PM  
Blogger Lopz said...

This was my favourite find of the day - the first time you've posted since I found your blog. So glad to read a new one, may there be many more!

PS We can read the stupid comments online, but they're not as funny when unaccompanied by your caustic reponses ;-)

Tuesday, March 11, 2008 10:10:00 AM  
Blogger Susanna said...

Sadly, I know a little girl named Passion. She is very bright, very pretty, and I've often thought she deserves a less hoochy-sounding name.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008 8:33:00 AM  
Blogger Muzition said...

That mom sure is "exited" about her "fist kids."

And...."namier" ?

Sunday, April 27, 2008 7:57:00 PM  
Blogger ElizabethSheryl said...

My niece is names Angelique Mariah..and while it is not the worst name ever, the reasoning is what gets me. My sister in law is Puerto Rican, and so they wanted to go with something Latin. But Angelique is FRENCH. *sigh*

Thursday, November 20, 2008 6:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do know someone called Passion... In this country, a lot of teens give themselves an 'English' name on top of the Chinese name their parents gave them... You think only parents give their kids weird names? Think again... Heard of someone called 'Zing'?

Friday, April 03, 2009 10:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sadly, can't remember my username to log in...

Ye gods though, Eamon? Yes it's a real name, but can you do that to your kid and look yourself in the mirror after? Not to mention (for me anyhow) how close it is to a former friend's ridiculous suggestions from ages past.

Emanon and Emanym

If you don't immediately realize these are terrible names...please spell them backwards

Wednesday, September 15, 2010 7:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Dr. Zachary Smith said...

Dick is short for Richard, same as Bob is short for Robert or Jim is short for James.

Sunday, November 28, 2010 8:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In Australia Noel is a genuine boys name and is pronounced no-hl (as in rhyming with Joel). Both my grandfathers were called Noel pronounced this way. Grandfathers excluded there is another 5 Noel men in my workplace (of about 1500 people)and a good friends father was also Noel. It was very common in the 30-40's and the 70's here.

Sunday, December 26, 2010 2:46:00 PM  
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